I told my mom about how I don't want to think about meds/mental health stuff anymore because everything can't be perfect - But she said that I should - and we'll see my therapist on Friday.
I told her about what the tea did to my heart last night and that I don't want to get my heart tested properly because of fear that there's something wrong. She said that I should so we can deal with it.
It was a wake up call - All 3 people I skied with today have bad heart conditions including my mom.
I'm afraid that the stimulant abuse in the past did something to my heart and my mom says that it's not likely.
I want the stimulant lowered because I think the dose could be too high - It seems to just be making my ADHD/executive dysfunction much worse anyways. I can't go on like this. It's torture. Hundreds of ****ing things 1 second each every day. It's nonsense.
But I'll try to do the right thing and try to live. My therapist has ADHD - It's noticeable. So she can help me probably.
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