Dear T,
Can you help me be more present in the session Friday? I think I'm sort of protecting myself for fear of it going away.

I know I got emotional at one point during session, so it may have felt like I was fully there. But it still felt like I was detached. Maybe it's just a natural part of adapting to being in person again? But even in moments where it seemed we connected, I didn't feel the connection in the way that I have lately when talking to you over Zoom. It seems like I should feel more connected in your actual physical presence, right? That's why I feel like I must be holding back, protecting myself.

But I don't want to do that. I want to feel it, even if it might get taken away soon. Otherwise, what's the point of meeting in person? Why not just stay over Zoom, when I know that will continue? Clearly, I wanted to go back in person for a reason. Maybe Friday we need to focus on connection. Perhaps a mindfulness exercise? You like those. I had the thought driving home that I could play another song for you--it's been a few years, but that made me feel connected before, and is the sort of thing that works better in person than over Zoom.

I just want to feel like, even if this stretch of in-person time ends up being pretty short, that I got the most I could out of it. Not that I was spending it protecting myself and missed out on the connection I had wanted.

Love,
LT