VERY difficult day today. I fell back asleep around 4:30am and slept until 7:45am when I had to get up. I’m exhausted right now.

I was extremely depressed this morning which morphed into irritation and agitation. Over sensitive to sound. Every voice in group stabbed me in the head. Very high SH and SI. I only hit my head twice today so far though. Dug my knuckles quite a few times but at least less hitting. And I used my squeezy animal a lot to stop from hitting which helped, and I took breaks and walked around the lunch room.

I’m afraid RS is mad at me but that’s probably just my bad mood. I’m afraid he’ll be upset if my clinician calls and reports what I said during check in about high SI and SH urges. I mean he will be for sure but maybe he won’t like refuse to talk to me or anything. I think I’m mixing him up with my first husband and everyone else.

The dr did raise my depakote to 1500mg and gave me cogentin. She tried to tell me the jaw spasm wouldn’t become permanent. Has she never heard of TD? Please.

Edit: RS is, of course, not mad at me. My brain is mixed up today and I’m definitely mistaking him for my past relationships. In a sense.