I can't imagine the strength you possess to have dealt with what you have. I've had it much easier and feel at times like I can't do it. I was just talking to my wife earlier today about how I look forward to being stable again, as I haven't been for much of the past year. I got to thinking about how I will always have to deal with this in some way for the rest of my life, and realized how discouraging that feels to think about. I wish I had something more to offer, but all I can really say is you're not alone. Your perspective of working on recovery continually may serve you well if you can hold on to the belief that you will be well, and remember and accept that setbacks are an inherent part of it.