I’ve done some more thinking about this. I thought that if I trust my T and allow myself to feel the stuff that I’ve been hiding, I’d eventually heal. Perhaps I’d have scars and the wound would open from time to time, but I would feel a little less empty. I really thought that. Now I don’t know. What if I can’t heal at all? What if all I can do is try to live with the wound. Not speak about it, not try to heal. Just distance myself. Not from the people that I love, like my family, but from all the stuff in therapy. Stop picking the wound. Stop trying to heal. Just accept the reality and that I have this wound and that it probably never will heal. Stop trying to heal my attachment issues. Just… stop. Everything.

The problem is that I can’t really live like that. I’ve tried and it makes me feel dead inside, like I don’t exist. So… What to do? I really don’t know.