My Support Forums - View Single Post - Bipolar check-in #63

wildflowerchild25 · Mar 18, 2022, 05:06 PM

Ugh my day was pretty much as terrible as yesterday. I’m mixed again and

Possible trigger:

I’m feeling SO suicidal I just want to sleep forever or at least until this **** is over. I’m so tempted to do something I shouldn’t, the bottle is just sitting there staring at me. But RS is going to lock up all the meds to help me be safe. He already locked up the sharps in the house. Except I have to give him the fabric scissors he doesn’t know about. I forgot they were there. I don’t want to but I must.

My clinician was thisclose to calling mobile crisis on me. I told her I would be ok as long as I didn’t go straight home and got home when RS did instead. She didn’t like my idea of going to the craft store though “because of the scissors” and I was like literally every store I can go to will have scissors. I ended up just driving around though, I was too exhausted to leave the car. Got home at 4:25, turns out RS was home anyway because he was so upset when she called he had to leave work. Lucky I didn’t go home then, he would have been like wtf are you doing here what were you planning.

I’m hoping the meds will help soon and the weekend won’t be so bleak. I’m not sure I can stand it.