There's an old saying that is passed around as advice to husbands: "You can be right . . . or you can be happy."

The O.P. has a choice of what to make as his goal: He can aim at vindicating himself and seeking validation . . . or . . . he can aim at saving his marriage. It's a trade off. You get to pick one. You don't get to pursue both simultaneously. Maybe that's unfair, but that's life. Life is perpetually unfair. We do well to seek out the best outcome we can get. We waste our time and energy, if we seek out an outcome that's just not going to happen.

I take the O.P. at his word - that he'ld really like to save this marriage. (Maybe it's not worth saving. IDK. That's up to him.) I'ld like to see this 2 year old child live in a home with both her mom and dad there with her. I'm in favor of trying to save any marriage where small children are involved, except in cases of one party getting beaten up or repeatedly cheated on. (I said "try," not "stay together no matter what.")

Now I'll say something many will object to: There's probably nothing wrong with being manipulative, if it gets you to where you want to be. That doesn't mean it's okay to act like a sociopath. But, if laying a little sugar on a woman keeps her from running to a divorce lawyer, then go ahead and let the sweet-talkin' flow, if you want the marriage to continue. Ask yourself: "What is my objective, and what will get me to that objective?"

If your objective is to get people to "side with you" or to say, "You're right and she's wrong!" - then keep writing posts like the one starting this thread. Just remember that none of these people is going to warm your bed at night.