This s*** sucks!

Tuesday we went over two things. Neither were memories, just things told to me about my early years. That wiped me out. I slept basically from Tuesday to Friday morning, only getting up to do things I needed to do.

Today, we talked about what trauma is and whether I can own that word. L says yes. And though I trust her, I'm still having a hard time believing it. So we're going to do a PTSD assessment next Tuesday. We talked about one memory and somethings that I'm dealing with now. It was hard because we were using the word "abuse" in terms of my family.

I feel so confused and overwhelmed. Like what if what she says is really true? How she described it makes sense. And yet, it's hard to take in, like I'm in denial.

I asked her for "homework" to try to keep me busy and feeling like I'm accomplishing something. We determined that I do a worksheet that describes two feelings: "disappointment" and the opposite on the feeling wheel "powerful".

I'm exhausted again. Time for sleep...