I'm so sorry, East. You have every right to grieve for her. The therapeutic relationship can be a wonderful, special thing, and I know you cared about her a lot. My ex-T died several years after I moved away and her death still hit me really hard. It's particularly tough when you don't have the ability to reminisce with mutual friends because of the nature of the relationship. That can be a lonely feeling. Take the time you need to feel your feelings, and keep posting here if it's helpful.