Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel
This s*** sucks!
Tuesday we went over two things. Neither were memories, just things told to me about my early years. That wiped me out. I slept basically from Tuesday to Friday morning, only getting up to do things I needed to do.
Today, we talked about what trauma is and whether I can own that word. L says yes. And though I trust her, I'm still having a hard time believing it. So we're going to do a PTSD assessment next Tuesday. We talked about one memory and somethings that I'm dealing with now. It was hard because we were using the word "abuse" in terms of my family.
I feel so confused and overwhelmed. Like what if what she says is really true? How she described it makes sense. And yet, it's hard to take in, like I'm in denial.
I asked her for "homework" to try to keep me busy and feeling like I'm accomplishing something. We determined that I do a worksheet that describes two feelings: "disappointment" and the opposite on the feeling wheel "powerful".
I'm exhausted again. Time for sleep...
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I mean, I have no idea what your childhood was like or what you talked about in this session, but I would say skepticism here would be really healthy.
Because, I'm like.... It's so easy to scream abuse, when most people are far from saints and will most definitely have flaws and limitations and all relationships will definitely have lots of interactions gone wrong.
That's life.
I personally know that I dislike how serious words like "abuse" and "trauma" and "narc" get thrown around so easily nowadays. All this needs clear criteria to work with such "labels" and categories in a reliable way that won't cause harm.
I would also feel confused and overwhelmed if I were you, if I was asked to not trust my own gut feelings and my own understanding of my life story anymore and was told instead to consider the possibility that it was all really really bad s***. Especially if it comes to family.
What I do want to say though is, after all these words of caution: I did personally have resistance to the idea that childhood events could determine so much for later life. But they do do define a lot. And yes, there are probably ways to work through all that. I've tried to do some personal growth in that area myself. ME, who never believed in childhood stuff before.
All that doesn't have to mean we have to see childhood worse than what it really was (or better than what it was either), and call stuff abuse when it may not have been abuse. Even if bad things happened, even if family was far from perfect, parents, siblings, all that.
Try to keep all that in a grounded perspective. Stay grounded overall. If it's too much, if it makes you confused and overwhelmed, stop. Proceed at your own pace and trust your own gut MORE than any therapist's essentially unproven theoretical framework. Is my advice. Hope it helps.