I go to the big city hospital for breast center #2 on Tuesday. (For those who don't memorize my life story I've been going through a breast cancer scare for the last few months. As of now the last place thought it was benign but needed to come out. They couldn't do the surgery with my MAOI. So I got referred and the bigger, better hospital found some more concerning things on my pathology slides from one of my 2 biopsies. So I don't know.

But I do know that as it gets closer I get more anxious. Last night I slept a little bit and then had to take an extra .5 mg of klonopin twice to get to sleep about 5. I hate using it but my pdoc made it clear that right now I need to and I'm not going to lose the tiny progress I'd made in getting off.

I just really want this over. I have 3 appointments Tuesday. First they look at the images from hospital #1. Then I have mammogram#5 since December (I'm unclear if they'll still do this if the images they have are sufficient). And then I meet with the surgeon.

I'll be so glad to be done with this. I've had so many mammograms and several needles into my breast, including one that had a port on it that let a device be placed that my breast so sore. I don't mind mammograms normally but I think it if I have to have one Tuesday it will be uncomfortable. I can't wear an underwire bra comfortably right now I squeezing my breast sounds like a bad idea.

3 more days.....