i have so much going on atm that i cant even rememebr some of it. i jsut cant take this anymore. mom forces me to socialze and all i do is sit in teh corner and then run to my room when she isnt looking. tehn she gets mad at me for not socializing. i called my t a few minutes ago bcuz i was lonely and wanted someone to talk to. i told her about dad coming home drunk. she says i should try to invite friends over or do things with them- theres just one problem, i dont have any real life friends- i mean i KNOW people, but we are just aquaintinces(sp), they arent really my friends bcuz i never see them. for example, my one "friend" asked me to go to florida with her this summer for 10 days. so i said yes to just get away from teh house. i dont really know her and she said to me"dont have a meltdown on me when were on vacation ok?" and i was like"erm ok ill try" but on another note we have to FLY to florida. two things. ONE i havent been in a plane since 9/11 and TWO i dont fly! i get all panicky and i cant breathe...so there goes the whole"dont have a meltdown on me" thing. and as i am typing i have 30 family members over. i am the black sheep and they treat me that way. On another note, my parents said id better "get well quick" bcuz tehy cant afford my t or my meds much longer as my dad is self employed. i just am having a huge breakdown and idk wat to do anymore. idk if i can go on much longer. im sorry to be such a whiner. everything has just hit me like a wall.