I hear you, but to me, the choice is clear and the path leads through the pain. The potentiality of my anger carries consequences that are not okay. I can stay in limbo, but I am not sure I can keep that balance as I get older. Plus, if I somehow manage to pass through the pain, maybe there's a chance at a good life. And if I end up unaliving myself, that's okay, too.

The pain is not a byproduct of therapy for me. It is a byproduct of decreasing the power my anger defense has. I haven't been in therapy long enough for it to have such an effect, really. I've only been going to my current T for a few months, since end of last year. We're still in the process of getting to know each other.

"Productive processing" sounds very neoliberalistic. I'm a socialist at heart