I don't have a lot of time to post right now, but my situation is a long relationship with a man who has undiagnosed mental health problems. He may be bipolar and he may be borderline, and he may be other things. I have fallen into that place where I am a complete and total codependent mess who is trying to escape the twilight zone at present. I have a kid whose life is screwed up (and she's a wonderful kid) because her father doesn't currently have the ability to behave like a predictable adult, and her mother (me) has invested too much in his illness.

IF you really want to try and make a go of it, the counseling sounds like a good idea, but from 30 years of experience, my advice to you is not to meet him where he is. All the love in the world will not fix his issues, it will only depleat you. I spent many years accommodating and trying to help my DH until we are where we are now. I don't even talk to him much because he's always about 30 minutes from a meltdown if I do.

Best advice, get on your own healthy bus (so to speak) and stay there. Have an expectation that he join you in the healthy world. Yes, he can't do this on his own, but the only chance he has at getting healthy, with you, involves you being healthy too, KWIM?

I started by learning about boundaries about a year ago, and you need very strong boundaries with someone like this. Once I started enforcing healthy boundaries, it's forced him to own more of his own behaviors rather than slog them off on me. I'm working on myself in regard to codependency- which for me basically means refraining from enabling him and in turn making him own his own situation. This is incredibly hard for me, but important for everyone in the house.

I'm expecting things to get worse and don't know if there is a future here. I cannot leave for a variety of reasons at this point.

Bottom line, he needs to own his stuff, and you need to own yours. If I had this to do over, I'd say I wouldn't, but if I had been healthier insofar as boundaries and such, it would never have gotten this far. It would have ended long ago or he would have gotten help.

Hope there's some wisdom you can use in there.