Was really feeling like I was going to SH. I texted my therapist. She had me do a pros and cons list. I did and sent it to her. In the meantime I took some Xanax. She got back to me asking how else I could self comfort and what would stop me from doing it and if she gave me $25 to send to one of my kiddos that I sponsor would it stop me form self harming for like a week. So she was basically bribing me? I didn't know how to answer that. I took more Xanax (still okay, not abusing it, I can take up to four pills a day). And I took a whole Olanzapine instead of half. I can take up to two. I am so freaking numbed out now. No pain. No nothing. I don't exist .