I’ve been there….I blocked my essential self entirely and that lead to my first psychosis….then I found all this stuff I wanted to do and try….it was unleashed, the essential self. Shamanism, sure why not? Art was different and hobbies and even career and personality. I feel like I’ve lapsed back into listening to the social self to some extent but essential self is still there telling me to travel etc. we’re so wrapped up in social convention the essential self gets tamped down and hidden and suppressed. Only you know what your future holds and I know it will be awesome for you if you listen to what tiny whispers your essential self gives.