I am new here, but not new to bipolar. I was diagnosed 5 years ago. I have spent a lot of that time fairly stable, making small adjustments from time to time to balance feeling medicated with feeling normal. Once my son was born a bit over a year ago things have gotten substantially rockier. I have gone through some pretty intense episodes and some long stretches of what might be rapid cycles or mixed states. I have had some periods of calm, but my therapist and I have struggled to regain longer lasting stability.

Apart from the strain of having a new baby, my illness has put probably put even greater strain on my relationship with my wife. I am just curious what others have done in this respect? I try, but there are times when I am very out of control, and times when I am just purely not enjoyable to be around. I try to be kind to myself and remind myself I am ill, but I can't help but feel some sense of guilt and shame while I am not doing well, but also once I return to closer to "normal", too. I apologize when my head is clearer, but I worry the magic of apologies may wear out. Added to that is the anxiety that she may one day get fed up with dealing with this, and want to end things with me.

Any insight would be much appreciated, thanks.