Therapy with T last night. Plus: She did have her dentures and she didn't take them out! And it was Zoom but I spent most of the time looking down and not looking at her anyway. I tend to not look at my T's that much when I am talking but I will look at them when they are talking.

I got dissociated last night. I don't know if it was talking about emotional abuse or if it was from the new medicine I am taking Lybalvi. Because it was so bad after I had taken the medicine that I wanted to go get an ice cream cone and I was thinking, I shouldn't drive like this.

She said she could tell I was working really hard to do a good job in therapy last night. She said she could tell that the feelings of "bad" were from a very young age.

She also told me she thinks I have OCD. Great. (Sarcasm) Like I need another diagnosis. I knew I had OCD tendencies but she says it is pretty clear to her that I have it. Makes me feel sicker than I already am.

I think she was trying to figure out why I didn't contract to not self harm. I think she got it. When I am in a certain frame of mind where I don't know if I can hold to a promise I am not going to promise something. She did ask why I couldn't promise longer. I didn't really give a good reason for that. I know why I can't. I just don't know how to articulate it.

I was mostly just sort of done yesterday. The day that I could have used therapy was Monday and by the time I had it Tuesday night everything had chilled inside of me and it was hard to go back and explain it.

I was able to talk a little more freely because both of my parents had left to go to a religious class. So they weren't there listening on the other end of my call.