Read up on Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS). It's a cluster of physical and mental symptoms that can appear in poeple in early recovery. One of the symptoms is having urges to use. It often hits around the one year mark.
You can get through this, and I'm looking forward to celebrating with you on Fri.
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"I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn.
"If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba
