Today has been a really hard day. I must have drafted a few different messages I want to send him. It’s really heart wrenching to be blocked. I don’t deserve it. I know I hurt him too sometimes. But this pain I can’t get over. Despite anything going on with him, he’s been good to me a lot. I don’t want it to be over, although it likely is. The hours pass slowly. Every ding and chime on my phone I hear I hope is a message from him. It isn’t. My heart is so broken. I want to reach out to him. I want to say something to him. Then I tell myself to wait, he’ll unblock me when he’s ready. Then the worst pain takes over in knowing that he might not. It’s only been 2 days since he put a total block on. I’ve been shut out and I don’t know why. I’m hurting bad

There’s one thing I didn’t bring up and why he may have blocked me on Instagram. I don’t often use it. But the last week or so I’ve been on it a lot. I follow a lot of fashion designers whose new lines are out. My recent Instagram usage coincides with last week when he blocked me on Facebook and my phone. Could he think I was stalking him? I wasn’t. It has nothing to do with him. I don’t know if I said this, but the other day, that was a few hours before he blocked me on IG, I opened the chat to check a message from a friend. I saw he was active. When I did, I immediately closed chat. That night he blocked me on IG. I hope he didn’t think I was.