I love what all of you have said. I did reach out to him this morning about the book. This is what I said to him,

“ Hey, it’s Laura. How are you doing? I’m sending this from an old texting app I have. I wanted to contact you about my grandfather’s book. I know you don’t want to talk to me right now, but I have some things I need to say first and then I’ll leave you alone because I want to respect your boundaries. I need to know where things stand with us. I really think we should talk about stuff and try to work things out if we can. Listen, I know this relationship means a lot to both of us, but you’ve shut me out completely. Why? I’m confused and sad. Take the time and space you need and we’ll talk when you’re ready.

If things are over with us then please tell me, and I’m gonna need my grandfather’s book back asap. It’s sentimental to me. It’s out of print and the only copy I have.”

He did respond with: “ I felt I had to cut you off temporarily to just think about things between us.”

He went onto say, that he can definitely return the book. That he forgot he had it.

I said to him, “ I’m glad you told me why you cut me out. Does this mean things are done with us, or do you still need some time? I just want an idea of things.”

This was his response, “ I believe that we have been toxic towards each other, you will realize that you will have a lot more freedom without me”

This was my response: “ It’s not about having freedom. That’s not what I want. I love you being in my life, but yes, I think the behaviors we’ve had toward each other have hurt us both. I do believe they’re things we can work through, but I’m not sure if that’s something you’d want to do, at least right now. I am open to working things out and making this relationship better, but I also understand if that’s not what you want.”

I then asked him if he can bring the book by after work tonight.

I also said, “ I understand your feelings and position on third and I do agree with you about us being toxic toward each other.”

He didn’t respond. Like I thought he wouldn’t. He’s said these sorts of things to me before like I’d be better without him.

I said what I did to him because it leaves the possibility open for possibly working things out. I wasn’t just going to say, “okay, see ya!” You fight for a relationship when you love someone, but you also know when to get out.

I do feel that with work and effort, we can make things better. He admitted he’s toxic too. So at least he recognizes it.

Where do I go from here? Do I wait a bit to see if he comes around, or move on?
It’s easy to say, “move on.” It’s not easy to do.

Did I say all the wrong things?