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Originally Posted by Have Hope
Blocking on multiple platforms is a clear unequivocal message of "leave me alone and don't speak to me". It's setting a strong boundary for the OP to not talk to him. The OP is ignoring that boundary by continuing to contact him via other means where she is not blocked. That is intrusive and is crossing boundaries.
She actually doesn't have the right to continue to harass him, find means to break the boundary and find ways of contacting him EXCEPT for to get the book back. And there are other means for that. She could leave a note on his front door for him to drop off the book in her mailbox.
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This is a complicated subject since blocking also violates the boundaries of the other person if it's done in an unfair way. To me a boundary is only valid if it's fair and reasonable that doesn't encroach on the other person's rights.
I would say, if he doesn't want to talk to her, then he needs to simply tell her so and honestly - and not rudely or in a mean way - tell her what's up with that so it doesn't just come out of the blue either or as a means of control, and if she doesn't respect that then yeah, it's totally fair to block her and then yeah, if she still doesn't respect that then it's harassment.
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Sure, blocking is cowardly and immature, but if someone had blocked me somewhere, I wouldn't try to continue to connect and find sneaky ways to get in touch with the person to force them to talk to me.
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I like how you said that, about not trying to connect if the other person truly doesn't wish to. Because, I thought of this before, I'd have had an easier time with some relationships if some of the bf's I've had would've respected my decision to break up and not try to keep connecting with me.
Though I'd have been OK if they had just tried to ask me about why the breakup or something. Rather than try and connect and try to get me back. I totally can see THAT as a boundary violation and like forcing the relationship.
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Originally Posted by divine1966
Of course people have rights to keep talking to whoever they want to be talking. But if the person doesn’t want to talk to you or respond back, how far these rights are going to get you? Not far
I don’t think it has anything to do with control. If the person doesn’t want to talk to you, leaving them doesn’t mean you give them control. It’s the other way around. It means you take your own life in your hands.
Continue begging and pleading and finding other ways to contact them is giving them more control. The guy sees how much control he has over her that she stops at nothing finding ways to contact him and keeps begging to be unblocked. He has all the control here and she has none.
She’ll be in way more control if she refused to pursue men who block her and treat her badly. That’s being in control. Chasing these completely unsuitable men isn’t being in control of anything. It is giving all the control to these messed up guys.
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Ahh by control what I had in mind is that the person wants to control how often the other person can say something at all. The person wants to control the information flow. To their own advantage. It can even be to gain material advantage.
In the particular case here, yeah begging and pleading is hardly about being in control, I agree with that.