Guess I'll update everyone on how I'm doing.

1) I had to quit my job. The panic attacks got too severe and I couldn't force myself to go to a place that invoked so much pain and fear. I did give it a valiant effort, I did all the breathing techniques I knew. I did muscle relaxation techniques, I did a lot of stuff and I will give it merit, it helped some but it just wasn't enough. I'm pretty bummed about it. I think it's time to look into disability.

2) A positive, I did get my glasses/contacts in last week which is just one less thing I have to worry about. Funny story-- I have to wear kids frames because my nose bridge is apparently too small to fit regular sized frames on it LOL.I am both ashamed and excited that my backup pair glasses include a batman insignia hahaha. I'm wearing my glasses now to get used to them. My glasses correct for an astigmatism (not a huge difference in lens strength but it is large enough to make it a bit wonky at first. My contacts aren't prescribed the same, instead they keep them the same strength. ).

3) I have some problematic relationships in my life I can't seem to get rid of. I'm gonna suffer until I end it, but I just can't bring myself to do that.

4) I have to see a new provider this week and explain going off adderall and all of that and I'm very very nervous about it.

5) I'm acting reckless and clumsily and willing to do radical things because I just don't feel like myself. I can't explain it.

That's about it, nothing really worth noting I guess other than another failure to try to work. Thanks for reading.