The OP has shared that there has been a cycle. That’s a red flag when a person or even both have a problem with alcohol/addiction. Also he is 41 and still engages in that “bar/club” scene. He may only have the ability to “hook up” and not actually be mature enough for a healthy relationship.

There has also been a challenge to the addiction routine of engaging in the pattern of going to certain bars/hangouts due to Covid. That may have contributed to certain relationships forming in an attempt to replace the normal established pattern. Now that people are slowly going back to bars and hangouts, the substitute relationship isn’t really needed as much.

People can develop patterns around their drinking, not always realizing the extent of the pattern. Old habits die hard and unfortunately addiction habits inhibit actual growth and maturity. Hence a 41 year old in many ways may only have the maturity level of 21 year old.

It’s important to step back and evaluate rather than chase the dream of only to get hurt or continue engaging in an unhealthy relationship. He may be a bit of a jerk yet the OP is responsible as well if she continues to engage.