Hi WonderSun.

I am sorry you're struggling with all these distressing intrusive thoughts and feelings, it's very horrible to experience all the time obviously, and I can relate to aspects of it in my own way. I also think it's great you're addressing it. Good on you!

From what I know, from what I understand, pervasive feelings of embarrassment can be related to the humiliating experiences you endured in your life. They can really get into the mind and shape aspects of how you react to certain things, especially if the humiliating experiences were ongoing through the formative years of childhood development. The humiliation (and likely other emotions too) can, in many cases, lead to a condition known as 'toxic shame' and become an almost fundamental foundation in one's emotional response.

So, that's what I wanted to share with you about that aspect of your post WonderSun. If you agree or if you can relate to it, it might be good to talk about it with your T.

Stay strong and determined, the positive feelings will return eventually.🙏