I’m glad it helped and that you are more aware of ‘red flags’ to look for, venting about you/talking about you behind your back is definitely a red flag.

I can see what you mean, being self absorbed and caring about others might seem two different things but I think it can coexist. I have a friend who openly admits they are self absorbed often - I didn’t see it in them initially (people often show their best side to begin with) but after many years I can say they were being honest, they do care about others but their first thoughts are about themselves first. They aren’t a bad person but I’ve learned to lower my expectations of them.

What classifies as a crisis to me is something like bereavement, or illness in oneself or relative, or maybe a job loss. These are all things friends of mine have experienced, I responded by making sure I was there when they wanted me, checking in regularly and most importantly listening when they need it. This is what I would hope my closest friends would do.