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Originally Posted by Discombobulated
I’m glad it helped and that you are more aware of ‘red flags’ to look for, venting about you/talking about you behind your back is definitely a red flag.
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Yeah. Instead of talking to me in a constructive way to resolve issues if they had any. If I had an issue myself I would bring it up, maybe not right away if I didn't know how to verbalise it, but I would always bring it up sooner or later.
And this is so relevant to the thread because I can see there is a connection: people who ignore or ghost will probably vent about me and even go as far as slander me behind my back. People who block others probably do it even more. They'd have to be a really introverted person to not do that, because ignoring or blocking like that means there's a lot of anger.
Both the user friend and my other friend did talk bad about me behind my back, but the user friend did it even more.
My other friend and anyone else I mentioned in this thread about the pattern of ignoring me didn't block me. That user friend did it without even wanting to tell me, I don't know what she thought, that I wouldn't notice it eventually?
If I noticed that she silently blocked me on Facebook or Skype and asked her in email or in a text as to what's the problem, she'd always say bull**** like she blocked me on Skype because she blocked everyone else or that she just no longer uses Facebook. Made no sense, lol
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I can see what you mean, being self absorbed and caring about others might seem two different things but I think it can coexist. I have a friend who openly admits they are self absorbed often - I didn’t see it in them initially (people often show their best side to begin with) but after many years I can say they were being honest, they do care about others but their first thoughts are about themselves first. They aren’t a bad person but I’ve learned to lower my expectations of them.
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Hmm, well seems like a word usage thing? ?
What I meant is if someone is self-absorbed they really only care about themselves. Someone can be a bit self-centered, which means they think about themselves first, but they can still have capacity to care about others too. If someone's very self-centered I would see that as outright self-absorbed or selfish if they also get exploitative. Btw my native language isn't English but this is my understanding of these words.
Also I find this topic of being self-centered or self-absorbed or selfish or whatever, complicated.
If someone's a decent person but is just not in tune with you here and there (and in tune with you at other times, but you'd like it to happen more), are they self-centered or are they just simply not on your wavelength? I mean, I'd be interested in your or anyone else's input on this question.
Do you mind saying more on what expectations you had to lower about this person? To me it's a good sign that he/she has self-awareness to know they are self-centered. That "friend" of mine wouldn't have any self-awareness about it, at all (understatement).
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What classifies as a crisis to me is something like bereavement, or illness in oneself or relative, or maybe a job loss. These are all things friends of mine have experienced, I responded by making sure I was there when they wanted me, checking in regularly and most importantly listening when they need it. This is what I would hope my closest friends would do.
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OK, we have a similar idea of what a crisis is, yeah. I think most people mean this by a crisis. Did I understand you right, that you would mostly ask how they are, and listen to them if they had anything to say about the problem, negative feelings and such? What if they wanted to see you IRL, would you see them or only talk to them online?