When I wrote self absorbed my own understanding was that a person will often not reply to messages or answer questions or requests, in person they’ll focus conversation on themselves and bring conversation back to themselves. It doesn’t necessarily mean they are bad people IMO (although narcissists can have these traits not everyone with these traits is a narcissist). My friend thinks a lot about their own experiences I’ve come to realise and will talk at length about them, it may well have its roots in childhood experience. That’s my thoughts anyhow. Reading online definitions I think self centred-ness might be a more accurate description of this behaviour.

Without talking too much about my own situation, I’d say I no longer expect this person to respond in a timely manner, I also anticipate they’ll turn conversation back to themselves and I understand it’s not personal when they don’t notice or pick up on things going on in my life. It’s not me, it’s just how they are - I accept that now.

Yes you’re right about my thoughts on responding in a crisis, I would take the person’s lead as to whether RL or phone/online, as different people prefer different communication. Although personally I always prefer RL and face to face as communication is more nuanced.