I feel the same way. And I feel ashamed of it because I'm supposed to want to keep trying and fighting.

I'm also struggling to reach out here in the forums, which surprises me and I don't understand. Every time I think of anything to type, whether in response to someone else or for myself, I hesitate, start over thinking it, worry about expressing myself well and spelling mistakes, until either I've completely forgotten what I originally wanted to say or finally am just so frustrated and flustered I say, ah to **** with it. Maybe next time.