Thank you fuzzybear for your kind words and hugs. I agree, it does take its toll by being so misunderstood and experiencing such judgement, especially by those who are meant to be there to help, paid to even! There are times, many of them that I do feel weak, but that’s within me, from the things I’ve been told and learned as a child, to then experience the same kind of feeling now is really difficult. I feel weak because I’ve spent so long ‘trying’ to be strong and hold it all together. I feel weak because I’ve been beaten down so many times and each time I’d get back up, I’d lose another piece of me, until I was simply just a shell of a person. Outside of trauma, I have NO idea who I am. It’s become so ingrained in me, that it is me - does that make sense? Or am I just waffling on now?

It’s hard not looking at the big picture but then that terrifies me by doing so. Because it’s huge and wild and horrid and full of SO much pain. I wish it didn’t. I wish I didn’t. I wish it wasn’t mine.

Thank you again, fuzzybear