Everything feels pointless and meaningless.

I just realized I haven't texted you since our last appointment. I guess that's just one more coping mechanism I've abandoned as ineffective. Took a long time for me to really accept nobody can do anything for me and that this is just my life now. The instinct to take action when something is going so very wrong with me seems to have been substantially weakened by the fruitlessness of my efforts. I've become so habituated to the anxiety of the situation that I not only understand but accept I am going to continue to feel this way for the foreseeable future. I wonder if that will ever change, but I no longer assume I can't go on like this. Clearly, I can. No more desperate scrambling for something that can change things. There's no light at the end of the tunnel and I've stopped straining my eyes trying to find one.

Oh, well. Best to just get on with serving out this sentence called life.