About a year ago I decided to separate from my husband. I was unemployed at this time so I decided to stay with family in another state. I asked my therapist about the rules regarding her seeing me while I was in another state. I asked her this both out of interest in attending a graduate program while living elsewhere and because I wanted to leave my husband. She said it would be no problem for me to do this and continue seeing her. Based on the information she gave me I decided that I felt able leave my husband and stay with family in another state temporarily.

Unfortunately things did not go entirely according to plan as it turned out that I had a condition that was causing me chronic pain in one of my feet, and this made working very difficult. The pain got really bad at one point and spread to my hips and low back. There were periods of time where I had to spend most of the day in bed. The dr. Wanted to exhaust all conservative options before deciding on surgery. I spent my days just trying to do pt and care for myself. It was very difficult. My therapist knew about all of this as it even impacted our ability to have sessions at times.

I am now going to have surgery (no date yet as I'm getting a second opinion) but will likely be in the next two to three months.

My husband and I are still legally married but leading mostly separate lives. We are good friends and I am seeing a dr. In the state we both used to live in as he works at a university with a good medical school and I have access to the best care there. I have also house sat and taken care of our cat when he travels. I am still a legal resident of this state and my name is still on our lease. We have filled no legal paperwork and have arrived at monetary decisions through discussions.

Yesterday my therapist informed me that her continuing to see me while I'm living out of state is illegal and she is no longer comfortable with our arrangement eventhough it has been like this for over a year now. I was extremely upset by this as it was not at all how I understood the situation. It seems very unfair for her to see me for so long and then suddenly change her mind. I don't know what to do. This is a therapy relationship of over 5 years. I feel I have made a lot of progress with her and that we were negotiating some later stage issues in therapy including my coming to see her more as a person and in a less idealized way. This hasn't been an easy process for me and I am still fighting this issue quite a bit often in the form of dissatisfaction with her. But this has all seemed rather necessary and part of the process. I'm also quite depressed due to my medical issues, not working, and not living where I would prefer. I'm afraid to lose her and I'm not exactly sure if I want to look for another therapist at this point. I've not always had the best experiences with therapists and was hoping this one would be the last for quite some time.

I appreciate any support, insight or advice that can be offered.