My Pdoc is writing a note for me, but my dad (who is a psychiatrist) provided the verbiage for the letter. It's a very brief letter stating that I need modifications to the original job for which I was hired, without including any specifics. Great. So I sent that to my doctor to send to my CEO.

I'm really freaked out right now. I am supposed to return to work by Tuesday? And without any specifics around how my job should be modified? I am having a conversation with my CEO and my VP on Monday to discuss this and my "re-integration" back to work.

I know I cannot carry the same level of stress I was carrying before I took a leave of absence. I've realized that I've carried FAR too much stress, and that it's been long-term.... from my last job, from the job before that, from being hospitalized, and from going through a near divorce and separation from my husband. It's like once I entered the new job and stress came on, I immediately caved. It was the straw that finally broke the camel's back so to speak.

IF they let me go, which I sort of want but also do not want, I could at least take the time to find a more suitable position.

I just applied for a job at Harvard University, where I used to work. I don't have high hopes that I will be contacted for this role. It would be a very nice surprise if they did.

I guess what I am saying is I already feel that my new company is a bad fit. They work on the weekends, and at night. Not my cup of tea. And these website audits and presentations that they do are well over my head.

I don't know how I will survive there. I also cannot backslide in terms of my symptoms! What if more stress comes on, and my symptoms all come back with a vengeance? Then I will have to leave work again..... unpaid.

I am very scared, worried and concerned. I need money to survive. This is why I am even attempting to go back to work, but it would really help right about now if Paid Family Medical Leave would accept my application or my appeal, and send me money to survive.

This truly SUCKS.