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Old Apr 02, 2022, 04:37 PM
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Have Hope Have Hope is online now
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,752
Quote:
Originally Posted by Etcetera1 View Post
Hey HaveHope, I'm so sorry it's stressful like this for you now. Hope it will work out for you two. I have a couple of thoughts that might help:

- If he doesn't feel ready to talk about his feelings and thoughts, don't push him, because it could come out very negative then if he hasn't processed them yet, like it did in this case. It works like that for me too, I know that much from experience. I can only share when I am ready and have processed enough so it is not raw and overly negative emotions.

- What could he do for you to get to feel better about the insults? Some way to undo their effect? A deeper apology? Anything else? If you can figure this out, could you tell him what you'd like him to do?

- Maybe he also got hurt by the argument, but if he doesn't want to bring up hurt feelings on his own, you could still tell him you are sorry too about all of it. Especially if he's willing to try and do what you think would help for you to feel better about it. But of course you could say it anyway, because he did apologise too, even if it will need more repair for your hurt feelings. If you did already apologise, then forget this suggestion of course, I'm only saying it because it might help with moving forward for the both of you. He might be able to hear you better too then.
Thanks so much…

We did both apologize but it still hurts. Our relationship needs repair right now. He’s being nicer now but I’m still hurt by his words. And you’re right, he said he got hurt too.

I just don’t know how to repair things. We’re ignoring the issues right now and we’re acting as though all is ok. But underneath it all, it’s not really ok given the harm that occurred earlier.

I just need him to be supportive and loving like he’s been the last ten months. And to not take his stress out on me. Maybe we’re on our way back towards that again but I’m not sure.
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Thanks for this!
Etcetera1