You can’t guess how much I understand you.
On one side, these two years of restrictions and isolation, for someone with social anxiety is like having to begin from zero again. On the other side, the fact of having these thoughts in your head about not having a couple, no babies, only a reduce social group and now distanced because of the pandemia. All this made you nearly impossible to do what for other people is normal.
Sure your head tells you all the time, you are different, people will know I’m different at the first sight...how can I behave normal and confident with people when I don’t feel that way even when I’m alone.

I’d wish I could put all these thoughts in your head away or there were a therapy that did it.

From my ignorance, I think that only if you get free from these thoughts or somehow you arrive to an agreement with yourself about that it’s not so bad what you have achieved so far and you take care of yourself by accepting everything in yourself and even little by little reach to the point when you even like many things in yourself, is the only way to face to any situation without triggering your anxiety or at least, you will notice it pretty diminished.
I know is something very difficult. I saw it impossible. And I got it thanks to many circumstances I went through such as, getting rid of one of the things that put the bigger pressure onto me, my job. So, I only have to be grateful. No need to feel forced to deal with people every single day.
And suddenly, one day, a friend of you and me, proposed and encourage me to do some kind of stuff to get more confident. I don’t feel now less than anybody when I used to see everyone as superior.

I know you can’t see it but you are completely fine and suit with the world today. Many men and women don’t have a loving relationship. Many people don’t have babies. And others, the only friends they have are online contacts. Many people don’t even cross a couple of words with their neighbours.
On the other side, you have some really good points. Not everyone have them so developed.
You are smart and intelligent. Very funny.
I’ve been knowing@Break for a time. That’s why I know it.
She’s funny. The most rare things happen to her and when she’s telling about it, you can’t avoid laughing.
You have an interesting conversation, a good writer, faithful and trustworthy. You can’t see it but you are full of good points and you have your ideas very clear only that the f@cking social anxiety plays bad games with you.
I’m very sorry because I know how much it can stop a person.
But, think about the positive I have said to you because it’s f@cking TRUE. I wouldn’t say it if it were in a different way.
This is what people see.

I’m thinking about two possibilities. Have you got someone who you can go jogging with? You will feel safer with this company and who knows what’s going to happen any moment along these runs. You can meet people, coincide with others you already know. Something funny may happens. Noone knows. Surprise!

Another possibility is to go walking alone instead of go jogging (the former is cleaner, I’m gonna tell you why now), then, at the end of the route, the finish line will be a café to take something. A coffee, a juice or whatever.
There again, you won’t know what can happen. Who is gonna go there too. Who’s gonna share some words with you.
This is more or less what I do. And I have shared with different people. Some of them, I share time with when we see us and I even have an appointment with a lady from time to time with our doggies and go to have lunch or something like that. I also had the possibility to do the same with guys but you know, I have a partner. So, I’m closed to that possibility unless he became a friend and I trust he’s not looking for anything but a friendship.
You can do it. I know the harder part is to take these thoughts out of your head. I know it. Wished I could help you with that. Only you can pass through this way.