I get urges that spring up from out of the void too, they’re real nasty and I come so close to giving in sometimes. But a lot of people here on this forum are here for you and don’t want the urges to force you to suffer, I can’t say I know exactly what’s going through your head because it varies for everyone, but I know those urges are like a crocodile lurking by human visitors; the more you feed them, give them what they want, the more they’ll keep coming back.
Check out this cool little geocache I found, her name is smiley and I’m just posting a pic because I just like looking at this enthusiastic piece of plastic when my whole brain feels like it’s in fire. It doesn’t put it out, but it’s a slight help in holding out through the storm