mote - Thank you. I did make progress on the kitchen today. Having things nice and clean and tidy does make me feel much, much better. I will re-read your routine and keep reminding myself that it is so much easier to do frequent small cleanings than letting it become an overwhelming mess. You are so right.

It sounds like you have cultivated some good habits. I think half of my depression is the product of bad habits. I have no daily routine that I follow. I eat at all different times from one day to the next. I follow no schedule and make no plan for my day.

When depressed, I don't pick up after myself. Then the disorder around me makes me way more depressed. If I get the place straightened up, I know the depression will greatly lift. So today I left the TV off and made some progress on clearing up the disorder.

I've become addicted to being on the Internet. Too often I take what I mean to be a short break. But once I start online, I stay on way, way too long.

The isolation is mainly from COVID. I'm very afraid of catching it. My plan has been to relax my avoidance of people after Easter. Since before Christmas, I drastically cut off my contact with others. I can't continue this. The mental effect is too damaging. I stopped visiting others and told others not to visit me. I will get another booster shot when it's available. I will start going out to eat. I will start meeting a friend for lunch. Over the last 4 months, I got way too accustomed to being alone. Now the thought of socializing seems burdensome. But this is not healthy.

Monday I had lunch out for the first time in ages. It felt great. But I find it hard to talk myself into leaving the house. I know I'm safe at home. I never had agoraphobia. But lately I feel like someone who has that. I don't even want to go out and fill my bird feeders because I don't want to bump into neighbors.

I appreciate your encouragement. I think I shouldn't need that, but any feedback does help me. I hope now that I build on that. If I can just keep inching along, making progress, I could get well again. The way I've been lately has been really unwell. It's like I've been sliding down a slippery hill. Just sliding faster and further down. The aloneness makes it scarey. I just want to call out to anyone.

My family live far from me. I'm the one who moved far away. If they knew how bad I've been doing, they would worry and want to fly out here. That would make me feel awful. My plan is to go visit them in a month or two. First I must pull myself together. So I don't confide in them how depressed I've been, which leaves me feeling alone with this awful weight bearing down on me.

Today (Wed) has been better than was Tues. At least that's something. If I can just keep going up again tomorrow and the next day. Not watching TV today helped. I spent more time getting things done.