My Support Forums - View Single Post - Bipolar check-in #64

Moose72 · Apr 07, 2022, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

Of course I would never act on such thoughts, but (violence trigger warning)

Possible trigger:

all day I've been thinking about how much I'd like to beat that b**** psychiatrist. I keep imagining myself beating her until she's on the ground, kicking her until she's bloody and screaming for help, and sobbing while apologizing to me for tormenting me like she has. I hate her. I really hate her so much. I am traumatized by her, things she said. Calling me "my friend" - I cringed every time she'd say that. Telling me "I really do care about you." Phony liar if ever I met one. Saying "I don't know what you're going to do when you run out of Gabapentin" - like she's the only doctor on the planet. Rage, just rage.

I would like to talk to my therapist about how I feel, but she's at a training this week. Maybe I'll just email her, get the rage I feel out. Well, I'm getting it out here, too.

This kind of rage is hard to deal with. I've had vivid visions of doing similar things to someone - it's such an out of control feeling yet satisfying. As long as it's just thoughts and not plans. No doubt most people wouldn't understand and would treat us as if we were planning on doing these things.