You're welcome, @sinking.

No, it doesn't sound stupid to me, using SH to take a break from life, to feel alive. I can relate very much in my own way, sinking. My old doctor of 20 years, told me my drinking was a form of self harm and due to other symptoms diagnosed me with BPD. I've stayed away from the bottle for two years now, though.

Also,I'm glad you've postponed the SH. Yes, have a talk with your T and psych, that's a great idea. I can totally relate to negative self thoughts and feelings too. I've had self esteem issues forever.

And I think you're right that if you can find something, a pass time, an activity, a hobby, that can make you feel alive inside yourself, it can definitely offset the inner negativities and give you some joy. Wow, can you imagine that, sinking? Joy. Actual joy! I have some pass times like that. It makes me feel interested in life. If you don't mind me saying so, maybe you could make it a focus to find enjoyable things with the help of your T?

Anyway, I'll leave it there now, sinking. I'm glad you're okay and have your T and psych appointments next week. You're doing well!🙏