I am in a similar situation. 7 years of marriage. Intense drama (external things) over the past 2 years. My husband has said that he is making a decision about whether or not he wants to stay married, although he has moved to another bedroom. It is killing me to respect his wishes. I have a first appointment with a counselor tomorrow. He is welcome to join, I said. If not, I plan to work on myself and the relationship. I have been reading tons of websites about how to handle things and writing and writing and writing. I'm trying to process my feelings, but I've also written him a few letters. My heart is breaking. I feel like every move I make is the wrong one - that he will interpret it the wrong way. I don't know what else to do, but I'm hoping that counseling tomorrow brings some hope. If I knew what was right, I'd do it. What more can we do than try to respect and love while trying to take care of ourselves?