Quote:
Originally Posted by Salomene
I'm pretty sexually open I guess one could call me promiscuous.
(...)
I was very happy with that life without commitment until I deeply fell in love in 2020. It was a complicated up and down, because that man was in an open relationship but it was the first time I could only think about one person for months and wasn't interested in anyone else. He eventually broke up and we started dating, but he still never really wanted to fully commit and we stayed in some kind of open and long distance relationship, which made stability quite hard to achieve and made my feelings slowly freeze to protect myself.
(...)
And I feel that my feelings are getting completely out of line! Is there no end to the amount of men I feel irrevocably drawn to?! It seriously scares me, that I have so little control over my desires and sexual urges! I knew this would end in chaos but I still went home with that guy because I wanted it so bad in that moment and I normally always act on my desires and hate repressing them. But I should be able to control myself better! It scares me, that I fall so easily, that one night with a guy is enough to make my heart sting when he tells me, he's actually seeing someone else too, although I'm dating TWO men, one of them his FRIEND! I'm afraid people might call me crazy, if I tell them about this and even more so, that they may be right.  |
(I'm a woman too and I'm free sexually alright too when not in a relationship, so no judging here : P)
To me going by the quoted parts it seems like you have hurt feelings from that deep love for an unavailable guy that you are trying to avoid by having your emotions going all over the place like this. Like some extreme rebound. Maybe the leftover from the original bad relationship isn't totally healed yet either so this would be on top of all that.
Plus the idea of never 'repressing' desires can lead here too or make it worse.
To have more control and focus you simply have to practice control and focus, start with it gradually. I can't give you specifics as I don't know your life or anything. I agree that a therapist or a life coach or self-help on good habits or something like that can also help with all this. I said life coach and self-help because it sounds like part of this isn't that deep, and is simply about having the right habits.
Quote:
|
I don't want to be like this. I really want to be a person that is reliable and can offer my partner safety and not hurt them. And I also want to be able to trust myself and my feeling of love, when I feel it. But how can I claim to love anyone in that situation, when it takes nothing to sway me into another direction within minutes?
|
I do respect your honesty and willingness to take responsibility & your wanting a relationship with consistency if that's an important value of yours. And yea I totally get that about being able to trust your own feelings being consistent. The best luck with all this!!