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Originally Posted by RodneyR
Hey! Yeah, so an update: with the seasons changing, each of us went through a time where we got sick and it postponed any serious talk, and then 4 days ago we officially just talked for an afternoon. There is a lot to share but the jist of it is kind of bleh. She reiterates that she doesn't even want me to touch her, have sex, be intimate or cant stand the thought of it either. As I suspected, she voiced that I was a narcissist and stated that even though tests didn't truly make me out as one, i knew how to answer the questions to make it seem like i'm not. Felt like she is really picking at straws.
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I'm sorry. That's really a horrible thing for her to say. These accusations about you. It would make my blood boil if I were in your place. God it's bad.
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I told her I take account for 85% of the problems that lead us to her wanting a divorce, and I feel as though our biggest issues are communication, trust (using our past against one another), and EGOs are what is causing so much conflict over the last year or so.... on top of moving to a new location, dealing with new seasons, COVID, new parents, etc... a laundry list of things that we had to face and could have done better. Now is our opportunity to improve ourselves and go to counseling and use everything to make this better, for our relationship and for our daughter to be in a stable home. She stated that me saying EGOs is a sorry excuse, and is still leaning towards divorce regardless of everything I've said.
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I mean I think you took too much responsibility in response to her accusations and her trying to tear you down with them. It's not cool. I'm sorry again. And where she says that the EGOs is a bull**** excuse, that's also not cool. She isn't at all getting it that it isn't an excuse but an attempt for mutual responsibility-taking which she isn't open to. She sounds VERY self-absorbed.
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I only quoted the end, but more so for you directly... I have appreciated all of your words and for the most part agree with everything you've said. I certainly believe my wife and I can grow together and get past this point, if shes willing to put in the work and make some adjustments. I have done as much and just wish she could give me that opportunity, and I'm sort of using counseling as that session in which it may help her realize how ridiculous she is being OR help me realize that this just isn't really worth all of this hassle and to chalk it up as a loss (which infuriates me thinking about my daughter going into that scenario). Nonetheless, I'm content with where things are right now, just hoping for the best and making the best of any outcome.
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Yes I understand you still believe that. I just hope it won't be a too rude or even traumatic awakening if it ends up not being the way you'd prefer it. The problem is it's a conditional that "if she's willing to put in the work....", it's a hypothetical situation, not real. Does not exist. The reality is very far from this hypothetical situation with her accusing you of being a very very bad character (narcissist lying on tests).
Yes, she's being ridiculous (and worse) but please, I'm with Rose76 on how it's pointless and even harmful and dangerous to engage her on these messed up ideas of hers.
And I agree with her point too that - perhaps seemingly paradoxically - you becoming disinterested and living your own life would be the most helpful. It's how you can keep your own dignity, yes!
Yes, do make the best of any outcome. The best luck to you again.