I can empathize.... I hope for you that the feeling of shame lessens.

There are wise people here, who also have empathy. I have found elsewhere, some who claim to be Wise are not over endowed with empathy (not anyone on these forums)

I'm also thankful that you and others have found this community, which is a safe place to practice opening up and reaching out in a safe way.

I'm sending respect and hugs to you!