I met with the new female therapist this morning, and I don't know how I feel about how the session went or about how she responded to me. I did not get a full sense of compassion coming from her, and at one point towards the end she said she can't work with me if I'm unwilling to stand up to my husband. I felt judged and misunderstood, I do believe. She didn't get the full picture of how I HAVE stood up to him, ALL this time, and how NOW, I am tired of the fight to stand up, at this point in my life. I am tired and exhausted from all the battles I've been through, and she did not pick up on this fact. Perhaps I did not explain it well enough either. But she assumed (I think) incorrectly that I am unwilling to stand up to him. She incorrectly concluded as well that I am willing to remain in an abusive marriage/relationship. She did not pick up on or I didn't explain it accurately enough that there are many complexities within this relationship, my feelings about my husband and marriage, and the logistics of leaving. I felt like she wanted me to leave him today, and I had to tell her I am not in a position to leave him right now, nor do I want to. I guess I felt largely misunderstood and misinterpreted, and I don't know if she will be the right fit for me. We have another appointment scheduled in two weeks, but I don't know how I feel about her.

I got a sense of black and white thinking on her part, and that's not what I need i in my case. Nothing is so black and white EXCEPT that I will not put up with abuse again or with continued abuse. She automatically assumed as well that my husband is still abusive, given our one recent fight. Perhaps it's not how I am looking at it. I have been viewing this as an isolated incident.

But I am now swirling from the appt and cannot concentrate at work as a result. Maybe she's not the best fit, if this is how I feel after our session?