I am not sure if that's true? That therapists won't take on a couple if there is active abuse? That does not sound correct to me.

Yes, I decided I will give this a wait and see approach with the new therapist. I will give it one more session to determine whether she's a good fit, once I've given a more complete picture. It was just myself in today's session.

What I really did not like is how she seemed very judgmental and quick to assume I hadn't ever stood up for myself. Doesn't she understand the nature of abusive relationships? That it takes a lot of strength to constantly stand. up, and that it takes a lot of strength to leave. I am currently feeling. very weakened in general given all I've gone through over the last year, battling one battle after another after another. I've been putting out fire after fire, and I am just plain burnt out and exhausted.

If my husband were frequently abusive right now, I would have to muster up the strength to make an exit plan again. But I feel I don't have the strength right now to do so. I want to believe he's changed, and I want to believe we are OK. I may be going into a bit of denial, and that's very very possible. Logistically, I also cannot separate from him right now either. It's impossible. We just signed a new apartment lease, with both our names on it, and I have no money to move and neither does he, after moving back in. And, he's been OK since our recent fight, so there's that too.

People who know us together as a couple see the good side of things and the best side of him. He only saves certain behaviors for behind closed doors. I am sure that if his own friends had witnessed him during our fight, that they would raise an eyebrow and feel sorry for me, being on the receiving end.

Leaving an abusive relationship is not easy, I can tell you that, along with many other abuse victims, and especially when you don't have a network of close friends nearby. So while many people on here may think I should have left him high and dry long ago, it hasn't been easy for me to accomplish, given all the complexities and my lack of a social network to support me.

When I left him last year, I reached out to several local women for support. Not one has followed up with me since we've been back together to ask me how it's going. Aside from finding other abused women on abuse forums, I have no local support network of female friends to stand by me. My closest girlfriends are out of state. I have only one single close girlfriend who is relatively local to me, but even then, I haven't seen her in a whole year.

Add on top of that the isolation that covid has presented, and I feel very isolated overall and all alone in my plight.