I am tired of buying art supplies and not being able to use them. In my past by my brother who always told me that I can't use something I wanted. Now I had my present friend tell me that I can't use them (because they were too expensive and I needed to practice with cheaper ones, etc.)....She is saying it's okay to use them now after I bought the cheaper set that she also bought for us to learn together (but still expensive $100 set) but she doesn't seem to understand how she made me feel bad for saying I can't use them. I can't hold it against her because I can't expect another person to understand. And I am not a child and it's none of her business if I use them but I am just mentally trapped thinking I can't use them.

So I keep hoarding buying more color pencils and supplies.

She is still my best friend and don't want to lose her because she helped me a lot and I know she cares about me but she doesn't understand a lot that I struggle with but most people can't. I would never yell at her because in the grand scheme of things she helped me most than anyone and I know she really cares about me and I feel sorry her situation and care about her too. She did more for me than I could do for her. I would be stupid to get angry at her for it.

She is still my best friend and whom I trust the most but not the things she is unlikely to understand. We don't have to appreciate the same things.

There are other goals I want to accomplish but I decided not to tell her since she will likely tell me its a bad idea.

I just want to finish something as well as possible. So it's better that I stop telling anyone unless there are legal repercussions.