I went over to my Aunt's house for Easter for all of 15 minutes before I left. It was all I could honestly stomach.


I go for my young cousins, who I found out were sick and they weren't there. When I found that I was like, in my head, "Yeah, I'm out." and made up an "I don't feel well" excuse and left.


I have a male cousin who is almost 40 years old. He sexually harassed me online last year - it was disgusting and upsetting and I will never just get over it. He wasn't there at my Aunt's (he lives in another state). But as I arrived there, my uncle (his father), didn't even say hello to me (and it was weird). Then he started talking about my cousin, how he's out of jail and working in a restaurant. My other aunt was acting very interested in hearing this news. All in front of me. I'd told my aunts about what the cousin did. At the time, they were both supportive. I do not feel that aunt #1 respects my discomfort around this issue. She clearly still supports and likes this individual, is friends with him on FB, and talks about him fondly. It makes me sick.


They also called a family member who wasn't there, wanting to talk to them, but excluded me, since I was in the other room. I thought it was rude and weird.


They all seem to have difficulty putting themselves in other peoples shoes. They do and say weird things when they're drunk. They've made me feel awful for being disabled and not working in the past when I wasn't in a place to.


All the while, I'm nice to them. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being nice to them. I'm sick of giving them my time, attention, and care.


I told aunt #2 that I wasn't feeling well and I was going to leave, and apologized. She was nice about it. But she didn't ask me if I was okay. Aunt #1 didn't say goodbye to me. There may have been some confusion - they were still on speaker phone with someone, but I thought she'd been told my my other aunt. But it hurt and was uncomfortable.


I think I need to reassess my relationship with this side of my family. Its hard because we are friends on facebook. They like my stuff. Its hard because I was excited to go over today - I never seem to know what I'm going to get.


I want to protect myself. I want to put boundaries up. I want to choose who I let into my life and that includes on the holidays.


I do want to be there for my young cousins/nieces. They mean the world to me.


This is so very preliminary, though. I'm wondering what kind of boundaries I could set to protect myself.


I was just so angry with them today. Something keeps going around in my head. It started a few days ago. A more distant family member called my mother's sisters (aunt 1 and aunt 2) "mean" once. Not to their faces. She said it to me. I didn't think much of it then. But...they sometimes are. I don't fully trust some of them. I get weird gut feelings.


The guy I'm seeing...he seems to have a great family. I'm a tiny bit jealous. I wish I could tell him the extent to which I feel hurt by my family sometimes.


I just want someone to tell me I deserve better.


I want to set boundaries. I think a lot of this is them just being very dense, unempathic, and insensitive. And it's just not the right fit for me right now. I think I need space.


I like the idea of unincluding them in my facebook posts. So that they can't "like" what I post and then hook me. I like the idea of...spending much less time with them around holidays for a period. It also feels weird. I may have to grieve this.