In Nov/Dec 2020 I was having major panic about the end of democracy. T and I spoke about the anxiety of our times a lot. One day I spoke to someone else about this who said, “listen, we’ll likely be called on to fight [nb: they did not mean with violence] fascism in our lifetimes; we won’t be the first or the last and all we can do is move forward with as much integrity and compassion as we can muster each day.”

I found this very consoling. It felt true and honest: when we know our values and apply our skills for good, we find meaning in our lives. And meaning is a great antidote to existential fear and dread.

I told my then-T this and she surprised me by suggesting my anxiety was unwarranted and tried to offer reassurance that things were not so bad (she did apologize come January).

Essentially I thought her reassurance was totally hollow and worthless. It meant nothing to me. Like if we were in the midst of a blizzard and all she saw was a sunny day. I’d have appreciated it a lot more if she’d acknowledged how hard it is to make sense of our lives in a turbulent world.

This is a long way of saying that you probably want a T who is real with you, even when reality is crappy.