i cant edit now, i wanted to add that in the past, getting loopy has caused me to post 4 pages worth of threads simply cause i was making myself loopy

that was a pretty bad episode that time but it happens where i'll be really nasty in posts towards myself then it changes to getting loopy and being a thread spams, i do know that 2011/2012 was my worst for making thread spams cause the meds i was on was making me more unstable, i wouldnt be likely to post literally 4 pages worth of threads now but i dont know how many threads i would be likely to start after going from self hatred into thread spams mode, which i have never had much control of, i dont do that deliberately

the meds was also making hallucinations as well, really bad ones

just to make this into 4 paragraphs here's another line and another guy hiding under something