Well I spoke with the new place and found out a bit more about the employee situation, and felt okay enough to commit to going with them. I worry it will be just as stressful and I’ll feel insecure but I’m hopeful that I can feel happy at work. I have been unhappy and burned out at my current job. I can’t withstand the stress of getting new coworkers and having them quit one after another then start over again with someone new.
I decided that I need not feel so responsible about where I am…always feeling like I’m hustling and that my needs come second to any coworker or boss. My bosses wouldn’t want me feeling like that, but I don’t know how to change it. Feeling too responsible or guilty about the revenue of the place. Just not feeling secure or relaxed despite many years there. I don’t want to go through another turnover, I don’t have it in me to give all i got when coworkers quit one after another or get fired. I had 100 active tasks the last time it happened and was so stressed.
It was difficult but I felt okay about my decision even though my bosses were not happy to hear I’ll be leaving.
Now I can’t sleep for feeling so guilty because my coworker announced today that she is leaving as well. I had been sensing that may be the case and at first was relieved I wouldn’t be there to go through another turnover. But after awhile my relief turned to responsibility and guilt. Now the bosses have to find all new staff at once. My stomach aches feeling bad about this and thinking I’ve created a mess. I want to apologize to my bosses but that won’t help and feels like is be rubbing it in. Already I felt like I had to give more detail about my choice to leave and I think it sounded offensive. Bad timing and I feel for them having to scramble to replace us when we’re already busy.
Just have to get through a few weeks and I hope they can find new people before I leave otherwise I’ll feel worse. I worry about my new job falling through too.